Sept 17, 2023

Brothers and sisters:

None of us lives for oneself, and no one dies for oneself.

For if we live, we live for the Lord,

and if we die, we die for the Lord;

so then, whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s.

For this is why Christ died and came to life,

that he might be Lord of both the dead and the living.

~ Romans 14:7-9 ~ 

For many people today, the question ‘who do you live for?’ will seem strange, apparent, or perhaps even insulting. This response is because we have gotten used to filling that space with the self. In a world hyper-focused on the self, or those so close to us they become extensions of the self (spouse, children, family, etc.); we lose the sense that we naturally are meant to answer that question with something wholly, and holy, outside the self.   

Let’s look at marriage for a moment. We often live under the half-truth that, in the best circumstances, the husband and wife live entirely for the other. This selflessness lasts until the couple has children, and then that life-focus turns to the children. After about eighteen years, the child has grown (we hope) and begun to assert a claim on self-sufficiency. At this point, it is not uncommon for parents to look at one another and wonder, ‘who are you?’ and ‘who am I?’ It’s no wonder this is often when marital problems and divorce dramatically affect the marriage and family. Why is this so, especially if the husband and wife have all along loved one another and their family? Perhaps the answer lies in the unquestioned assertion that the meaning of life is to live for ourselves and that sacrifice is alright as long as it does not ask more of us than the self is willing to part with. Not to be mistaken, it is good for a husband and wife to sacrifice and love one another. In fact, Saint Paul says as much elsewhere in his letters. So what is Saint Paul seeking to teach us here in the Letter to the Romans? 

Saint Paul recognizes that the idea of living for oneself is absurd – meaning it is missing something. The thing that is missing is true self-sufficiency – none of us have it! Take any of us out of the environment that hundreds of thousands of people help maintain, and we are all lost. Saint Paul is pointing out that we cannot make life happen on our own; we need the Creator to begin, and that same Creator works to sustain us throughout our lives. When we trust the Lord with our lives while we are alive, we can come to everlasting life even after death. Returning to the married couple for a moment – death challenges us to recognize that God is capable and desires to have us live not for ourselves and one another alone but ultimately to live for God. For the Book of Genesis reminds us that it is not good for man to live alone.

Two Parishes, One Heart,

Fr. Adam